I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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