i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
