How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
