were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
