Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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