That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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