I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
