Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
