My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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