im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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