i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
