I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
