Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
