I like to think it a success when the cops are called
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
