Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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