I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
