in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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