I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
