I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
