Don't make out with my wife yet
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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