So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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