don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I AM VODKA MAN
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
