I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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