After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
