how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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