Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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