I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
