You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
