none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
