Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
