Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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