i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
