i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
