I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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