I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
