I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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