Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
