were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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