He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
