I have demons in me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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