sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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