I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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