a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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