Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
