i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
