Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
