I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's always time for handjobs
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
