1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
no you cant smoke seaweed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
