So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
