last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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