Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
