Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
