Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so let's talk penis.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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