I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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