I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
